Tuesday 26 May 2015

A5 Narrative images - impact

"In horror I turned to other poems I had written at Oxford, in East Anglia.  They were no better; even worse.  The truth rushed down on me like a burying avalanche. I was not a poet.
I felt no consolation in this knowledge, but only a red anger that evolution could allow such sensitivity and such inadequacy to co-exist in the same mind" 
The Magus, John Fowles.


Instead of finishing off Family Frames which I really should be be doing so I can get on with writing the commentary for A5 and then submitting it I have started reading The Magus by John Fowles.  I mention this because the quote above feels pretty accurate about how I feel at the moment about the work I do.  I certainly feel like I have a long way to go before I will truly believe I am a photographer of any worth, although I do not feel hopeless about it.  Just that the work ahead is still to come and it might be a hard slog at times.  There is so much more to photography then mere photographs.

I have been wondering what the images I have taken for the A5 are about really - not just some family photographs but surely, hopefully something more.  Last week I was asked by an online magazine if I would like to be featured after I retweeted an article they had posted.  I was flattered to be asked so said yes, although I do understand that the magazine is small, young, growing and that the internet is starving for fodder, so it is a modest start and one which is good for me no doubt. I am pleased they thought my work was worth the effort.

However, I feel like a fraud and also horrifically exposed for several reasons.  One obvious reason is that I really like naturally to hide under a shell and find any form of recognition, no matter how small, excruciatingly painful and awkward - I have just about got used to the constant 'marketing' I must do if I hope to spread the news about my photography and occasionally get some work.
The other reason I have found this process difficult is because I know now that the work for A5 reveals some intense long held familial rage on my part which I have used unashamedly in the work and how I go about editing and then presenting the work is really something to think very carefully about.  I discovered this because I included one of the more difficult portraits of Evelyn, my mother, in the article and she was of course rather unhappy to have it on FB where I had posted a link to the website.  As I look at the image now, rather than see the slightly clever composition, which I was proudly boasting to myself about, I do see very clearly the expression of her face, and my unkindness or lack of compassion in choosing to use it.  It probably doesn't help me in the least for commercial work either.  I wonder about my motivation for including it there where something less brutal would have done.

Now I must think carefully about how I edit the final piece for submission - although for me the image says a great deal about what the work is about; and if I were to exclude it would I be diluting my work?  Yes, for sure, which is not the point.

All of this does bring up the question of responsibility of the photographer - a huge, complex and contentious issue.

I shall try to quickly finish The Magus which seems like a very important book for me be to be rereading now (perhaps, not only as I do really recognise a lot of the narcissistic pretension of the protagonist) and then get on with Family Frames so I can write up the commentary and submit the work by June which is when it is due - and it is almost upon us!  How did that happen??




4 comments:

  1. I looked at your images for this assignment a few days ago and really enjoyed them. There is definitely a strong sense of narrative in your work that holds my attention. For me, the work is all about you and your mother's story ( whatever that may be).

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    1. Thank you so much, Micheal. That's really sweet of you to say. I'm glad you see a story there. I ver much appreciate your comment. I hope you are well down there in Kent :-)

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    2. Your work is very strong Sarah-Jane. That came across to me the first time I saw it at The TV Group. Although you are at level 1 and just starting, your work crosses this boundary. (Edited for typo).

      28 May 2015 at 01:26

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    3. Thank you, Michael, that's good to read :-)

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